In my last blog article, I introduced Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, so have a little look at that if you missed it. This article will look at CBT a little bit deeper to enhance your own life and help you reach your goals.
No longer are you out of control of your thinking, feelings, and behaviours; by very much in control and somehow turn a difficult situation into something of a positive advantage. CBT is a beautiful method that, with patience, gives you the tools to develop a focused approach and aims to help you move from defined emotional and behavioural problems towards your goals and how you would like to feel and behave. CBT does not allow us to blame other people for our behaviours but shifts the responsibility to ourselves. No longer do we have pity parties and blame the first personal circumstances that come into our heads, but we take responsibility and make the changes in our lives progressively, deliberately, with intention.
The Power of Meanings.
CBT helps you focus on the meanings you attach to your emotional responses to an event. It helps you to the road of self-discovery and helps you to realise the negative and realistic attachments that you may create.
Sometimes you’re thinking processes may lead you to attach extreme meanings to events leaving you feeling highly disturbed, causing you to react in a way that you may regret. So CBT helps you identify your thoughts, beliefs, and meanings activated when your feelings are disturbed. CBT, therefore, helps you with the self-control of mind and body and emotions. Suppose you assign less extreme, more helpful, and more accurate meanings to adverse events. In that case, you are more likely to experience a less extreme, less disturbing emotional, behavioural response it puts you in the driving seat of your life. You become the captain of your ship and not tossed about like a windswept vessel on the high seas.
Acting Out as an Adult.
The Millers’ Medical dictionary acting out interpretation of acting out does not only pertain to children.
‘Action Out is the habitual expression of unconscious feelings through nonverbal behaviour to avoid the direct experiencing them; reacting to present situations as if they were the childhood situation that gave rise to the feelings and fantasies, as the acting out of a transference. Often applied imprecisely to any disapproved impulsive behaviour.’
As adults, we’ve learned restraint from physically demonstrating our emotions. Still, when we are pushed and feel threatened, we raise our voices and play the blame game. Especially when it’s someone we’re intimately connected to and emotionally dependant on, we can regress into our reactive child self quite unconsciously, which means we sulk, withdraw, or rush to defend ourselves.
We become defensive, and when we feel denied or accused, we’re likely to block off our darkest fears, insecurities, and self-doubts by turning them back on our adversary.
When we’re distraught and let our emotions get the better of us, we haven’t evolved much beyond childhood. We are driven to vengeance, feeling a deep need to hurt the other back. The problem is that our emotional distress derives from such feelings as being disregarded, devalued, distrusted, guilty, rejected, or unloved. When a person acts out, they cannot perceive the consequences of their acting out behaviours; our pained reactions prompt us to respond to the one who hurt us in ways likely only to harm the relationship further. However, it gives the person a renewed sense of power over the other. Instead of our reactions producing our desired outcome, they become counter-productive.
CBT is the Solution.
I have outlined the problem briefly – so what’s to be done?
Genuine warmth, sensitivity and caring from others can be a tremendous power that heals and calm us. But what about treating yourself with those powers? By learning CBT, you will have the tools to treat yourself with the love and respect that you deserve. It is worth looking into, and if you missed my last blog on Personal development using CBT, it might give you an insight into a positive way forward- you will find it HERE.
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Paula Rose has a Bachelor of Pastoral Counselling and Theology, Vision Christian University, USA Master of Arts In Counselling & Professional Development, specializing in Spiritual Abuse The University of Derby, UK.
BACP Life Coaching Course, Bristol, UK and a life member of (ISFP) The International Society of Female Professionals.
Paula Rose Parish is a Pastor, Author, and founder, of Hope. Faith. Love. She studied at the University of Derby and received a Master of Arts in Counselling in Professional Development. Over the years, Paula Rose has served as a pastor, chaplain, counsellor, and coach and taught at a Christian university. In addition, she has led workshops and retreats and spoken worldwide on Christian spirituality.
Author of over 200 articles and two published books, Paula Rose, continues to write on the wellness of mind, body and spirit. Paula Rose is adding a string to her bow and is presently reading Health and Wellness. She has four grown children, five grandchildren and lives in South Wales, UK.
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Paula Rose is a Wellness Coach Ordained Minister, Speaker, Blogger, Podcaster, Course Creator, Published Author and has a Master of Arts in Counselling. And many other qualifications and a lifetime, so I have heaps to share with you.
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