Self-Sabotage is when a person is fearful of commitment. They have experienced something that has created a sense of loss, abandonment, or not being unable emotionally invest.
When someone is afraid of a commitment of any kind, they feel that they will be hurt somehow. To protect themselves that sabotage the relationship or the situation to make it end, or they may prematurely end the relationship even if it is going well.
One of the signs to show that you self-sabotage is that you struggle to make and keep plans. Someone with only one foot in the door probably won’t make plans too far into the future.
Your Emotions Cause Extreme Discomfort
Life can be more complicated than we think. It’s fine to feel uncomfortable at times and we need to see any red flags. However, experiencing discomfort to avoid commitment or emotional conversations or not displaying your own emotion can signify commitment issues.
If you suspect you might have a fear of commitment, ask yourself if any of the following apply:
- You’re happy with the relationship but still spend a lot of time questioning it.
- You struggle to think about the future of the relationship.
- You’re hesitant to make plans.
- Talking about progressing the relationship makes you feel uneasy.
- You struggle to be vulnerable even if your partner is trying to engage emotionally.
- Your partner feels uneasy and often asks you where you’re happy in the relationship and what you want because you send out mixed signals.
- You don’t feel emotionally engaged or connected with anyone.
If you are fearful of commitment, you may experience fear, worry, and stress. You also may feel upset with yourself for being unable to progress in the relationship. In this circumstance, guilt is expected because you can see that you are hurting another person.
2 Tips for Recovery
1. To stop self-sabotage, you must recognize the patterns that created this behaviour in the first place and why it happened. The ‘why’ will be different for everybody. Maybe you have not recovered from past hurt or are worried about repeating a toxic relationship. Exploring the ‘why’ is not always easy to explore the benefits of speaking with a therapist.
2. Another way to help work through a fear of commitment is to talk about it openly with your partner. First, help them understand your thoughts and feelings. Then, find a way to work together to create mutual support that can help you manage the thoughts and feelings around your fear.
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Paula Rose has a Bachelor of Pastoral Counselling and Theology, Vision Christian University, USA Master of Arts In Counselling & Professional Development, specializing in Spiritual Abuse through The University of Derby, UK.
She Studies the BACP Life Coaching Course, Bristol, UK, and is a life member of (ISFP) The International Society of Female Professionals.
Paula Rose Parish is a Pastor, Author, and founder, of Hope. Faith. Love, and Your Wellness Matters. She studied at the University of Derby and received a Master of Arts in Counselling in Professional Development. Over the years, Paula Rose has served as a pastor, chaplain, counsellor, and coach and taught at a Christian university. In addition, she has led workshops and retreats and spoken worldwide on Christian spirituality.
Author of over 200 articles and two published books, Paula Rose, continues to write on the wellness of mind, body, and spirit. Paula Rose is adding a string to her bow and is presently reading Health and Wellness. She has four grown children, five grandchildren and lives in South Wales, UK.
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